Mari sambung angan2 impian

16 places I wanna go for food hunting in 5 months time

• Bubba Gump
• Strawberry Field
• Delicious
• Paddington House of Pancakes
• Full House *yes I'm lame haven't got there yet*
• Gomone *just to eat that thingamajig. Oh, chicken. And rice.*
• Chilli's
• Nando's *pernah makan tapi nak makan kat sana*
• T.G.I.F
• Ole-Ole Bali
• Bumbu Desa
• Marche Movenpick Restaurant
• Ma'cik Briyani
• The Apartment
• Secret Garden
• Wondermilk

Malas gila nak upload gambar. Nanti bila dah pergi saya akan upload yeyy!

Any other suggestions?

What I really want right now

1. A car. Doesn't matter my Kenari or a new one *cough cough*. And of course, the courage to drive it. Argh!

2. Back at home, goyang2 bontot dan makan dengan sedapnya. And bergelak ketawa bersama keluarga.

3. I wanna learn baking and cooking. Doing it right now, slowly.

4. Finish my degree, and naikkan CGPA.

5. Lots of money. So that I can buy these:

* new notebook

* instax camera

* galaxy tab

* and the list goes on

6. Wish for my dearest to be here. Enough with your workaholic syg, you're younger than me but yet you look older. Jangan sampai awak jadi macam sugar daddy saya pulak -.-

7. Foods. And eat it without feeling guilty. Preferably cheesy and spicy.

8. Thesis siap dalam sekelip mata.

DONE.FOR.TONIGHT. Wishlist lain akan diupdate semasa ke semasa.

Offended

This is not for anybody in particular.

What's wrong with plan B?

Us, who have been in this situation for 3 bloody years, have been familiar with this thing. Broken promises, fake manifesto and all. Go to hell with that shit. I don't care anymore. Well, I do but does that makes any difference, since we are finishing in less than 3 months time. So just go with it. Nothing changed.

The thing is, I can't stand people who take 'Plan B' for granted. Or look down at those who have this 'Plan B' in mind. What's wrong with that? Are you hell sure that you're gonna be a doctor? You're damn sure that you gonna pursue MBBS and pass with flying colors?

I'm not being pessimistic. I adore those who have the determination and courage to carry on and speak out. I don't have any problem with that, AT ALL. But stop looking at us, the 'Plan B's' guys as if we're not gonna succeed if we don't take the actual road. Don't get me wrong, being a doctor has always been my ultimate ambition. But sometimes, I stumble, I fall and I had and still having a hard time trying to get back up. Don't tell me you never gave up in life. Kerat jari kalau cakap tak pernah.

That's when the 'Plan B' helps. It gives you hope to carry on with whatever you are doing with your life. It gives you something to hold on to, something that would make you believe there's light at the end of the tunnel. I understand how much those people wants to be a doctor. The prestige, the ambition, the satisfaction of saving life. Don't we feel the same way too? Cuma Tuhan bagi kami jalan yang berliku, sedikit susah daripada yang lain2. Jadi kenapa pandang kami sebelah mata?

And those who plan to go to the 'not taken road' tu pun, cut off your negative thoughts. Tak payah nak pengaruh orang lain yang betul2 nak benda tu. Tak payah nak hasut macam2. You go on with your plan, and let them do theirs. Masing2 ada rezeki masing2. We just gotta work hard and go for it.

So, yeah, be it my bff or someone I'm not that close to, I'm terribly offended. Because I do have 'Plan B' but I still work hard to follow the flow. Being a doctor is not easy, you're handling with people's life. That is my only concern. I'm afraid I can't handle this. I still don't have the courage to hold on to that responsibility. But I do really want to be a part of it.

After all, bukankah Allah SWT adalah sebaik-baik perancang, dan rancanganNya adalah yang terbaik?

Supaya tak lupa

I VANT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
*penat taw mak edit. huh*

Kawan masa depan?

I think I've been such a jerk to them for the past 3 weeks.

Cakap kasar2, maki apalancau semua *oops*, tak jaga hati mereka2 yang tersayang.

Entahlah, mood swing mungkin? Hormon imbalance? Can't be, bendera merah dah lepas.

Serabut barangkali.

I'm truly sorry dear friends, for my words and acts might hurt you. I never meant to.

Mungkin tak ada yang menegur, tapi aku yang rasa sendiri.

Biasalah, ego jugak yang menang nak ucap maaf dengan kawan. Kalau dengan ehem tak pulak.

Banyak dah aku susahkan kawan2, kena ambil hantar balik dari kolej, dengar luahan perasaan aku, layan gedik perasan aku. Banyaklah.

Ecah, Reny, Syira, Eg. And the rest.

Maaf taw. Budak comel ni serabut sikit. Sayang kau kau kau dan kau semua.

Putih

Tiba-tiba rasa tenang bila background dah bertukar kulit.
Mungkin selama ni asyik hitam kelam buat hati jadi kusam.
Bila dah putih, jadi suci bersih lagi diyakini. Hihi.
*Kenapa aku rasa gedik semacam cakap serupa ini? Ah AAK?*

Will write as soon as I'm done with this scabies thingamajig.

220511

You're always there for me. Always.
Susah senang saya awak selalu ada.
Jangan ingat saya tak nampak, cuma ego kadang2 jadi hantu dalam diri.
Saya tak pasti saya selalu ada masa jatuh bangun awak.
Saya tak tahu awak faham atau tidak apa saya rasa kat awak.
But one thing for sure.

I fucking love you so much. Keep that in mind.

Selamat 2 tahun untuk kita :)
Mari tumbuh tua sama2 nak?

Demotivated

Banyak sangat versi, banyak sangat pura2. Bosan.
Meluat, menyampah, semua ada.
Boleh tak tulen sikit?
Sumpah nak balik Tawau sekarang.

Sorry, serius tak reti nak bergaul dengan budak2 'sebelah kaki masuk syurga' ni. Fuck.

Reason why I don't watch GG

Nuff said

Long distance relationship

Aku rasa kagum dengan orang2 yang dah bercinta lama. Kalau all the time dekat,sama2 xpa. Tapi ada yang terpisah negeri,universiti,ada lagi terpisah negara. I mean, WOW. Look at them. How do they manage to maintain the spark between them? Aren't they bored with each other?

I did once involved in a 'PJJ'. And I failed. Since that I never believe in one. Me and SMN, we've never been away too far from each other. But still gaduh2. Kalau cuti sebulan, sorang balik utara sorang borneo, tak sah tak perang. To think that he'll be away this time is so...terrifying. What will happen to us? Bak kata SS, I don't want banana fruit two times. Haih. Takut -.-

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Chasing pavement

What should I do? Do I really want to be a doctor? Do I have the courage to take the responsibility of other's lives? Am I capable enough to be one?

Right now, I don't even get the minimum cgpa to pursue my study. But that's not what bothering me the most. If I ever get the chance, will I be able to cope with everything? This degree enough is so stressful. I start questioning myself. Is it for me or for my family?

Of course I do want it for myself. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a doctor. I'm very sure of that. I lead my way, I lead my future. I do what I want, did everything without regrets. But now I'm not sure anymore.

I want this for me. For mama, for baba. But now I just can't. I know how much they want me to be a doctor. So do I. But with this total mess surrounds us, I'm not looking forward to the path I used to follow. The idea of pursuing into master degree is the only thing I have in mind right now. That, I'm not sure either. I don't want to let them down, but at the same time I'm too exhausted with the dramas. Enough with money, interview, cgpa. I'm done.

Ya Allah permudahkanlah jalan kami, sekurang2nya rakan2ku yang benar2 mahukannya.

Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang betul, yang sepatutnya untukku. Amin.

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Anti-klimaks

Klik HERE for a chance to win FABULOUS prizes. And by fabulous I mean FABULOUS2 macam Kimora Lee Simon. Cilaka betul bila tak dapat log in pakai ID lama. Terpaksa buat ID baru. Habis hilang point semua :(

Bored to death. Kill me.

Feels like writing.

I'm officially a practical student now. Well, not really, as we actually have to bear with classes AGAIN for another 6 months. Not 3. To be honest, I'm both disappointed and happy. Disappointed, because we won't have the chance to be in the hospital for a long time. I mean, just 4 hours in a week? Is that enough?

But on the other side, I'm happy. I'm not ready to leave everything here. Plus, I know I'm way too far from the level to be a doctor. Or a MBBS student. These classes are actually helpful and beneficial for all of us. So yes, I'm glad and relieved.

So, from now on, it's 8am-5pm classes everyday till Thursday, and 8am-12.30pm at the hospital every Friday. Hope it helps, since we can't barely touch the patient. We can only do history taking. It's fun though, since I love talking to people. My horoscope says so. :D. I love comforting people even I'm not good at it, I love listening, or anything to do with human. Maybe that's why I love working at Subway.

Oh yeah, I've resigned as a part-timer there. I was so sad, I even thought to come back to work after 2 days I left the place. Duh, it's not even far from Perdana, sebelah rumah je kot. Haha. But somehow, I feel emotionally attached to that place. To the people and to the customers. Stupid customers included. Haha. I love them all. Maybe because it has been a long time I haven't mingle around with other people apart from my college friends. And they light up my life. They may not be those who I shared my secret with, or cry on their shoulders or something, but I'm happy being with them. I'm happy to be a part of the family, and I'm happy if they are happy with me. At least I have someone to talk to rather than being alone talking to the wall. *wink*. Oh I miss them so much! Blame the classes! I hate it. No worries, I'll come back if you need me :)

I'm bored. Bored to death. Not in the mood to do my revision, log book and all. Just sitting here watching Ghost Whisperer and cry over the earthbound spirits. Why the hell do I cry for a ghost zzz. Guess I'm gonna play DDR now. Ho yeah! Toodles!

bf

No matter how far I go, your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone.

My oh my, I love my three boyfriends! :P

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Mellow

I was all crazy when I posted this. My relatives/cousins/aunts/uncles could have read it. At that very moment, I don't really care. I'm so gonna get myself AT LEAST one puff after this. Like seriously. I just wish that I have the gut to tell everyone what I've done. But for what? Just to let them know that "I'm cool that way?" My heart says yes but my head denies. *Good head pat you 5 times.* Anyway whatever done is done. If only there's one thing I wish I didn't do is THAT. Yes, THAT. THAT could be anything, from everything to nothing. But yeah, it's between me and God. I just wish I have more time to fix it. And hope that He's answering my prayer. I'm not perfect. Heck, no one does. I can't tolerate those nice people. It creeps me out. I cursed a lot. I don't talk nicely to people. Bad-mouthing, gossiping. Hello it's in my blood lol. I hate hypocrites but I'm one of them. But I just wanna change. I wanna be a good girl, a good daughter, a good sister. I wanna make them proud. That's all I'm asking for. And if that means I have to sacrifice anything, I WILL.

Will You answer me? Will You help me?

Day 30- Your favorite song.

Love this forever.