Tuesday, May 28, 2013

rant rant rant

I have a pretty serious issue which I can't address here cause I don't even know what it is in particular. Maybe not 'a' but too many issues. You know, me and my heart we got issues *there she goes again*. I can't wait to finish everything and start a new phase. My life has been pretty much plateau, which is not in a good way and I really need a wake up call. I'm far behind the others, still here stuffing my tiny brain, trying to digest what our formal education is trying to prove. Boo. I iz lame.

I need lotsa moolah. I need to go shopping. I need a vacation. Well, my dreams are lame as well. Boo you kai!

Friday, January 11, 2013

In need to rant: 2013

Everybody wants a perfect life. I mean, hello, who doesn't? But then again it depends on how 'perfect' is your perfect, what is your definition of perfect.

Mine would be simple and cliche.

-A happy family = checked!
-A supportive boyfriend = checked!
-Tons of bff = checked!
-Lotsa ka-ching = *sigh*
-A career = still a long way to go.

I'm a kind of tak reti bersyukur punya perempuan. I always want more. I can never get enough with one thing. When I say I want it to be THAT way, I can never tolerate if it turns out the other way, not even a simple deviation. I whine a lot, thank God my boyfriend has a steel heart *I think* and is always there to listen. Plus the lecture at the end of my whining session. Thanks sayang -.-'.

See, life is beautiful even though there are obstacles everywhere. I've always wanted to be a doctor. But I failed, just a VERY MINOR failure that it leads me to the biggest disappointment in life. Keep telling myself I'm stupid hopeless etc etc. I applied for Msc, and while waiting for the result I worked as a CSE at Celcom, and boy it was fun until I dropped out cause I hate being a burden to people just because I'm afraid to drive. I had to tumpang my friend to go back, had to ask my bff to get me back home, and the stupidest thing is I turned out mom's offer to bought me a car, cuz I AM AFRAID OF DRIVING. Yes people I'm that stupid.

So I ditched Celcom, went back to Tawau, performed my second Umrah with mama, baba and nenek. Just when I arrived at KLIA, I got a mail from a UPM lecturer I've been bugging for almost half a year for the RA position *but she ignored me thank you*, asking if I want to be a part of her project, as an enumerator. So I thought, wow, this is it. A chance to further my master in nutrition! Nutrition is my Plan B actually. Went for the interview, she doubted my cgpa but still gave me a chance to prove it to her. Started my job there, enjoyed travelling with the girls, until the time she decided to appoint me as one of her RA and later under her supervision for my Msc. That was when the torture started. Gosh I can barely remembered when did I never cried during those days. The pressure, loneliness *cause the girls no longer worked for her*. I cried EVERYDAY sampai berat turun p 47kg. Okay now I regret I quit, I'm as big as a badak now. Lulz. Cut it short, I quit the job, got 2 offers from USM and UKM to further my Msc, so actually I got 3 offers + UPM's.

At that moment, I can't be thank HIM enough for the opportunities given to me. Cause finally people acknowledge my grade and I can show that I still 'have demand' even though I'm not an MBBS student. You see, some of them have that 'MBBS ego' yang pandang rendah dengan orang ambil master. Seriously, ini bukan penghakiman hasil ke'emo'an daku. Tapi pengalaman and kisah benar. I were thissss close to put a 'hate' sign to all them for that, even my bff yang tak ada kena mengena pun. Tapi buat lek sudah. And alhamdulillah my inferiority complex went away *for a while haha* and I just move on with my life.

Now that I'm studying Health Education (UKM), to be honest I don't even know where this will lead me to. But at least I have something rigid to hold on too for now. You study not to impress, but to gain knowledge. Whatever you get from the lecture, experience and all, you won't realize that it'll influence your future life. I give up last night cuz I can't answer the Communication paper. Sux, feels like first semester of my degree all over again. But I know it's not the end of the world. I have 2 papers left, Imma work my arse of for both. I couldn't be bothered by the negative thinking no more. I just wanna finish everything since I can't enjoy my last day of being 23. Yes, will be sitting for the last paper on my 24th birthday and I couldn't care less.

Told ya I need to rant. Happy 2013! xoxo

Monday, September 17, 2012


-Habuk sawang semua ada-

Oh hello there! Anybody home?

*bunyi suara bergema-gema*

Well, okay... -.-

Expect more from me soon :D *fingercrossed*

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Mr.Bean :)

Happy 23rd my Mr.Awesome :)
May all your wishes come true
May Allah will forever bless you
May 'us' will be together for eternity

I love you so much Syed Muhammad Nafis <3



It's getting worse. Never been in this state for so long. It's like back to the year 2008 when HIH left me for good. I mean the feeling, not the drama.

I feel like a loser. A real loser. I didn't managed to achieve what I really want in my life. I constantly worried everyone who loves me. I cry every single time I miss home. Well, homesick is normal, but every single fucking time? Le sigh. Sucha cry baby.

I miss home. I miss mama and baba and khalid and nenek. I miss eating good foods, watching flat screen tv, snuggling under my comforter in my own room on my own queen size bed. All those comfy things, yes I miss em all.

People say we won't always get what we want in life. I used to believe it's wrong. But look at me now. Lifeless, aimless, whatever -less I could be. I hate it when people put too high expectation on me. The pressure is always there but when that particular matter crossed my mind, I feel like running away to a place where no one knows me so I can do whatever I want in life without them having to interfere.

I'm struggling. Not with life, but with me. I'm the one who makes things worse. I am too weak to face the shit. I am too afraid to try, too afraid of rejection. Procrastinate is my second name. But not because I like it, I just over think everything. I guess everybody is right. I am too negative. I don't even trust what I'm capable of doing.

I just miss pen and papers. That's all.

Monday, January 9, 2012


Mana pergi ke'tough'an aku.
Baru kena reject sekali dah down berhari2.
Baru cari kerja tak sampai sebulan dah macam orang cari kerja setahun tak dapat2.
Chill la.

Kepada para pemangkin hidup;

Mama : for your neverending ceramah sampai tahap dah boleh buat buku.

Baba : for being the coolest baba di muka bumi.

Baby bro: err untuk beg Zara? Haha. Walaupun kau x ingat kak Icha but I know you never forget me in your prayer. Well, it's the thought that counts right?

Nenek : for being my comellest nainai choleng *and penyumbang dana tetap setiap bulan hihi*

Sayang : untuk ceramah2 awak setiap kali saya mengadu kat awak and serius rasa macam nak sepuk tapi tak boleh sebab sayang. :D

Buddies : sebab selalu ada masa susah senang aku, and selalu bagi semangat kat aku. you know who you are :)

And most of all, thank you for never giving up on me.

Thursday, January 5, 2012


2012 (2)

Chill lah. Tadi nak memerut, terbantut idea. Sekarang dah lega. Fuhh.

Where were we? Ahah. Happy New Year! Apa azam tahun baru? yadayadayada. Boooorriinnngg. Sebab memang tak akan tertunai pun azam. Tapi tiba2 terdetik nak menyenaraikan elektron2 dalam diri.


-Semua benda pun nak takut. The thing that I hate the most about me is my fear of driving. Lesen dah berhabuk, dalam rekod memang bersih punya tak ada salah. Mestilah, nak ada rekod macam mana kalau pegang stereng pun boleh kira pakai jari kaki. Boo you bish!

-Haih. This one cannot go. Malas nak ulas sebab sesetengah orang ja yang selalu kena.

*bangun lewat
-I gotta admit that I'm not a morning person. My morning is your afternoon. This is one very bad habit that I have to change since I MAYBEEEEE gonna start working soon.

-Well, that happens sometimes. Not all the time, since I'm a well-organized person (really?)

-Malas nak bersihkan muka letak krim itu ini pastu komplen muka banyak jerawat pastu dengki tengok orang kulit putih gebu then nak jadi macam dorang but still end up picit jerawat sendiri instead of letak ubat jerawat. Fuh one go punya bebel. Urgh katakan tidak kepada jerawat!

*nafsu buas
-Aip! haruslah nafsu berkaitan seperti makan dan shopping. hmm. Tapi shopping rasanya dah cukup, except for handbags. and purse. and sling bag. and flat shoes. and wedges. and 3 pairs of jeans. and the list goes on. see. haih. -.-

-Dengan siapa? Tuhan ja yang tahu. sobss. sorry.

What else? Silalah memberitahu kalau ada. :)


An update. Finally.

I'm in dire need of a new laptop/netbook/notebook. Like, finally, setelah dimarah/dileter dan yang sama waktu dengannya, I've decided to replace my Mr.Inspiron sixfourthousand for good.

Suggestions, anyone?

Happy New Year!

*sungguh tak berkualiti, baik tak payah update. hewhew.*

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Two years in a serious relationship. Well, that wasn't me. But that is, now.

Considering the fact that I'm the most boring person in the world, with my hot-tempered perangai and stupid, irrational mood swing yang tak tentu pasal, queen control, lepas baran kat orang lain, tak tahulah berapa lama lagi orang tahan.

And yes, benda paling pantang dalam hidup aku adalah kena tipu. Walaupun penipuan yang remeh temeh.

Tapi sekarang, aku kesian sangat dengan orang tu. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, aku teringat balik benda2 orang tu buat dulu kat aku. Even though obviously, what he did is NOTHING compared to what I did behind him.


I'm sorry.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2011


11/8/11: Draft log book/ lab report.
13/8/11: Iftar with Najwa and the rest *insya Allah*.
15-16/8/11: Thesis presentation.
20/8/11: Iftar with Tawauians.
22-26/8/11: VIVA.
28/8/11: Final submission for thesis.
??/8/11: Final submission for log book/lab report

24/8/11: KL-KK!
25/8/11: KK-TWU!

Kalau betul tesis hantar 28hb, memang aku mati nak kena siap awal gila.
Kalau betul presentation 15-16hb, memang aku mati separuh.
Kalau VIVA aku dapat 22 or 23hb, separuh lagi mati.

Kesimpulannya, 2 minggu ni jangan kacau aku dengan benda2 tidak bermoral! I have to fill up my last 2 weeks as as student of Bachelor of Medical Sciences dengan sebaik2 alam!

Sumpah aku habis ja semua ni aku nak p makan sedap2. SERIUS SHIT.



Monday, August 8, 2011

SMN #3

Rindu tahu tak.
Thank you sebab ada lagi untuk saya sampai sekarang
Walaupun saya fikiran cetek/childish/kuat mengeluh/panas baran/moody/etc
Tapi sampai sekarang ada lagi awak kat sini. Tak tahulah sampai bila, kalau boleh mestilah nak sampai bila-bila.
Sorry sebab selalu uji sabar awak. Saya tak sabar macam awak.
Saya minta awak tahan sikit ja lagi sampai saya habis degree.
Lepas tu awak boleh cuti kejap daripada menjadi mangsa lepas tension saya sebelum saya sambung belajar lagi. Boleh? Hebat tak saya bagi cuti kat awak? Hehe

Nak jumpa. Lepas ni dah balik Tawau cmana nak jumpa. Nanti awak jumpa awek2 hot kat sana saya cmana. Da la saya ni tak hot, pendek, gemuk, pemanas lagi tu
Tsk :'(
Tapi gluteus maximus saya hot, mana ada orang yang ada glutmax lagi hot dari saya.
Suka tak? Hehe *gila*
Ilysm. Thank you for everything, thank you for your immeasurable support and love in my life.
Happy 799 days


Deep Fried Chicken Wings, Full House *YUMMM!*

Alfredo Spaghetti, Full House *YUMMM!*

Baked Potato, Wondermilk *YUMMM!*

Chicken Lasagna, Baci *OHSEMMM!*

Bolognese, Baci *OHSEMM NUMBER 2!*

Kimchi Jigae, Gomone *YUMMM!*

Dak Bulgogi, Gomone *YUMMM!*

Thank you Najwa and Ecah yang melunaskan keinginan Wondermilk, Nanad and Fiza for Gomone *thanks for the treat Nad!* and of course my favorite guy sebab sanggup layan nak tukar tempat duduk hanya sebab nak ambil gambar background kartun2 kat Full House -.- And yes for the treat too!

I love my tummy! Eat eat eat!


In life, you will come to an end point where you can't think of anything to do.
You are too tired to think, act, move, eat, sleep *sleep also can tired oneee*
I've been dealing with too much pressure, that explains my terrible mood swing for the past 2 weeks.

Thesis, log book, lab report, presentation, viva
Stupid, brainless people
MBBS, Master ???

Yeah, that's it. I'm tired. Exhausted to be exact. I need a day out with my favorite person, but he's far far away, busy making money and can't even take a good care of himself.

Ya Allah, please show me the way, give me the strength, shower me with your blessings. Amin.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bab bab!

Wa memang mulut macam cibai sikit tapi wa sayang kawan2 wa
Lu tak payah nak sentap2 gn wa wa ketok pala lu karang
Kalau lu ada terasa gn wa wa minta maaf la
Kadang2 apa wa cakap memang tak masuk akal, tapi kadang2 apa wa cakap untuk kebaikan dan cita2 lu jugak
Love you ecah bab bab!

*kita tengok sapa bikin hal besar ini post. ngeh3*

Kecik sangat ke?

Kes 1 :: Nak beli cincin kat kedai atas talian

-Saiz tak ada. besar sangat. besar sikit. ada saiz, sampai2 bila cuba longgar lagi. dah boleh main cincin macam main2 dengan super ring.

-Kena bertungkus lumus cari cincin kat flea market e-curve,sg.wang,etc. or ketuk2 sikit cincin tu bagi saiz jadi kecil. jual memang takkanlah, aksesori kegemaran tu.

Kes 2 :: Nak beli kasut. Atas talian dalam talian luar talian semua talian

-Saiz tak ada. tak ada dan tak pernah ada.
-Flats: cotton on: ada. BOM: dulu ada, sekarang dah tak muat. tak tahulah kaki yang mengecut atau kasut2 kat sana dah mengembang. vincci: kadang2 ada. nose: jarang2 ada
-Sneakers: TAK PERNAH ADA !@#$%^&*()

-Flats: pakai kasut lama ja
-Sneakers: beli kasut size budak2. Converse budak2, nike kids, semua kids.

Kes 3 :: Pakaian


Oh, actually satu2nya benda yang tak perlu risau adalah apa2 pakaian yang memerlukan ukuran di bahagian ehem buttock, kerana gluteus maximus saya sudah cukup mantab untuk menampungnya. Terima kasih Eg kerana mengingatkan saya!