It's getting worse. Never been in this state for so long. It's like back to the year 2008 when HIH left me for good. I mean the feeling, not the drama.
I feel like a loser. A real loser. I didn't managed to achieve what I really want in my life. I constantly worried everyone who loves me. I cry every single time I miss home. Well, homesick is normal, but every single fucking time? Le sigh. Sucha cry baby.
I miss home. I miss mama and baba and khalid and nenek. I miss eating good foods, watching flat screen tv, snuggling under my comforter in my own room on my own queen size bed. All those comfy things, yes I miss em all.
People say we won't always get what we want in life. I used to believe it's wrong. But look at me now. Lifeless, aimless, whatever -less I could be. I hate it when people put too high expectation on me. The pressure is always there but when that particular matter crossed my mind, I feel like running away to a place where no one knows me so I can do whatever I want in life without them having to interfere.
I'm struggling. Not with life, but with me. I'm the one who makes things worse. I am too weak to face the shit. I am too afraid to try, too afraid of rejection. Procrastinate is my second name. But not because I like it, I just over think everything. I guess everybody is right. I am too negative. I don't even trust what I'm capable of doing.