Tak matang lagi

Ada orang cakap aku tak matang lagi. Betul. Sebab aku pun rasa begitu. Aku tak mampu nak berfikir secara dewasa. Apa yang tersurat itulah yang aku terima. Jarang sekali aku nak cari yang tersirat. Aku tak tulis benda2 merapu khurafat dalam blog aku. My blog is a piece of shit actually. I write craps and nothing else. Aku marah, gembira, sayu, cuma itu yang para pembaca2 hambuii *kalau adalah* dapat lihat. Rasa. Sebab aku cuma tulis benda yang aku rasa dan bukan benda yang aku fikir.

Aku tak tulis pasal politik. Aku tak tulis pasal isu semasa. Aku tak tulis ataupun berkongsi tazkirah. Aku rasa aku tak layak untuk itu. Aku tak suarakan pendapat aku tentang undang2 negara. Apa yang aku tulis, pasal lagu, sayang, kawan, pergolakan rumah tangga dan persahabatan etc etc. Kadang2 terasa juga nak jadi macam bloggers yang lain. Yang bagi info berguna. But I just can't. Cause that's not me. I don't know how to inspire people. Bagi tips2 atau nasihat. Diri sendiri pun tak ternasihat. Inikan pula nak ceramah orang lain. Hina sungguh diri ini nak menasihati orang lain. Heh.

Tapi sekurang2nya aku tak hipokrit.

Selamat hari kebangsaan yang ke 53, MALAYSIA :)

Lapar!

Kenapa kalau aku lapar aku cepat marah?
LAPARLAPARLAPARLAPARLAPAR!!!!!

Pakai buang

Yes, another emo post.zzz
I know. I'm getting bored of this too. But what to do. It's in my blood. Hahaha amek ayat mr.Bunch kejap.
Seriously akulah manusia paling bangang sekali dalam dunia. Sangat2 bangang.
I know it hurts, but I can't get rid of you.

You're like my voodoo, and I'm your dejavu.


And hey, faham tak beza sisa2 & cinta sempurna Yuna tu?

Kaw hanyalah sisa-sisa
Sedangkan dia hampir menggapai cinta sempurna

So stop playing with my heart. My answer is no, maybe. Ingat janji u gn orang. Pls.

Demam

Huu. Sedih gila demam di perantauan.
Aku ni jarang sakit, tapi kalaw dah sekali sakit bukan alang2 punya.
Kalaw demam kat rumah adalah jugak baba & mama tolong tengokkan.
Walaupun wajibul gunnah mesti mama bising2 punya *sekarang pun bising dalam telefon.ngee*
Tapi tak kisahlah. At least tak payah masak bubur sendiri, makan ubat sendiri, tidur sendiri.
Cun lagi masa bulan puasa nih. Haiiiiihhh! =.=
Rela demam seminggu kalaw kat Tawau.
I wanna go home!!!!!! Mommyyyyyy huuuuuu :'(

Pagi pagi puasa dah buat aku marah

*Amaran: Entri ini menggunakan bahasa Sabah. Tq*

Oi lelaki!
Kaw bila dah terjatuh terhantuk tertambling2 depan belakang baru maw datang cari aku kan?
Bila kaw senang kaw kasi tinggal aku sukak2 kaw?
Aku ni badut kaw bilang?
Aku xkisah kaw maw buat apa pun. Tapi awal2 aku sda cakap kan?
Ctaw aku awal2 kalaw ndak bulih suda! Apa jugak masalah kaw ni?
Berbaik suda cam taik la kaw sana maen blah jak?
Aku jak maw jaga hati kaw? Haa?
Pasal kaw aku kasi sakit hati orang lain.
Ndakla. Aku jugak palui betul. Napala aku layan kaw.
Cam sial. Sakit hati aku.
kaw jangan sampai I curse you back man. Kaw makan semua tu.
Kaw suda knak skali. Sekarang pisang pun berbuah lima belas kali kaw taw.
Haihhhhhh =.=
I am so disappointed with you. I know I shouldn't trust you from the very beginning.
Fuck off. *istighfar Kai istighfar*
Sudala kaw. Kasi makruh puasa aku jak.





How could you :'( For the zillion times...

Salam Ramadhan

Just finished my mid semester exam 2 days ago, which was so fucked up. Seriously, am I like the stupidest human being on Earth? The questions are so damn easy (NOT!) and paling best sekali, I can't even remember a thing! Mesti banyak makan semut ni tak pun lucah sangat dalam kehidupan seharian. Ni semua salah Syira ah ni. Arghh kill u man jk :D. Target untuk mid sem ni --> Patho GU and Patho Haemo : DEAD. Bolehke target camtu? Haih tawakal ja la.

Dah lama tak update blog dengan yakin. Asyik2 post emo memanjang. Aku pun naik bosan. Cita-cita nak jadi featured blog Nuffnang. Harapan. Haha. But deal with it, I'm super emotional. Tak matang lagi. Memang tak pandai nak kawal emosi. Nak buat cmana? Hehe.

Ohh lately ni rasa cam selalu menyusahkan semua orang. Sedih gila. Selalu tumpang kawan g kolej padahal boleh jalan kaki kot. Tapi confirmlah hitam legam aku balik Tawau nanti. Hehe. Just wanna say thanks a lot buddies! Syira, Aishah, Eg, Aril,Ikram anda siapa2lah yang aku pernah tumpang nak g kolej. Jasamu dikenang. Nanti aku dah kaya sikit aku belanja cendol abang lori tu eh. Hee

Sangat happy si dia dah berubah sikit. Semoga kekal selamanya begitu. Thank you :)

Ngantuk. Tapi tak boleh tidur. Terfikir napa u tinggal orang camtu ja. Orang dah cakap awal2 dah. Ego :'(

Hmm.Salam Ramadhan people! Yeay I'm goin back to Sabah this year! Thank you Mommy!

2 years

080808-080810
All the pain has gone. Maybe.

Alone again

I know I'm wrong. Tapi tolonglah jangan buat saya macam barang boleh main pass2. Boleh kena jaga ja untuk setahun and bagi balik dengan orang lain. There's no such word as 'bagi balik'. When I'm yours, then I'm yours. I'm sorry for the ungratefulness and my weaknesses. I just feel like I don't belong here. I don't belong to you. We don't belong to each other. Like I don't even exist in your life. That's how I felt before. And now, of course. Why can't you understand? It's not about the time we spend together. It's about what we do in between. And please, it's YOU and YOU only. The rest is my past. Forget it, you won't understand. I'm tired. And I know it's my fault.

I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes for you to built your trust in me again.
But then, tell me NICELY when you find someone who can love you more than I do. I will let you go completely.

Ich liebe dich <3 Take care, love.

serabutlah!

Mr.Bunchman - yeah I know I said stupid things about her. Maybe for you. But it's for real damn it! She's just a bitch! She ruined my life just by not looking at her pun dah jadi isu so WHAT THE FUCK! I did that because aku tanak tunjuk muka aku yang macam sial bila tengok orang yang aku tak suka. So instead of showing this fugly face, I turned away, aku tak buat dosa dia tak dapat sakit hati. Plus, she started it forst kan? Aku tak retilah nak hipokrit2 ni Hello how are you bitch padahal dalam hati menyumpah seranah cam sial. Ok with some exceptions. Tolong faham me okay. Haih. T.T Hope you are doing fine there. I think I know what was 'it' but nevermind, just keep it to yourself.I miss you.


Mr.Bigguy - As I said, I'll be by your side as long as you need me, but when the time has come for me to leave, please do it nicely. I don't think I can go through that again. You know me well, I hate rejection. And I know you know that I love you lots.


Mr.Heart - Please. I am maybe not yet a woman but still, I am a girl. My existence is never there for you to look at. Do you really want me? Cause if not, just let me go. I'd rather live alone than being with somebody who does not even realize that I'm here beside him.


GUYS ARE JUST SO HARD TO DEAL WITH! EFF YOUH ALL!

One day I slowly floated away

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One day I slowly floated away
One day I slowly floated away
All the war horses wore rubber bands
to hide their hooves from sinking sand
The commander in charge was hoping that
The destiny was not to die

Wake up in the morning I shall
Wake up and so shall you
And I wake up, the sun is beautiful
And it is warming you and I
Fragile as we lie

Hard to foresee the future
Our bodies were growing thin
Glimpsing the peeling paint of
The nurse's ivory chain
You've got a lot of nerve coming here
Your eyes are beating rhythms way
Faster than the speeding bullet that
took the life of your radio

Wake up in the morning I shall
Wake up and so shall you
And I wake up, the sun is beautiful
And it is warming you and I
Fragile as we lie

And in the corner chair
soft and soap-scented
my darling cries apologies
We foresee the mercy
That's been shown my young limbs
Will not go unthanked or unseen

Wake up in the morning I shall
Wake up and so shall you
And I wake up, the sun is beautiful
And it is warming you and I
Fragile as we lie

oooh, ahhhhh
oooh, ahhhhh




♥ichliebedich♥

Hey hey you you

I know it's not worth it.
I know it will end eventually.
Just give me one last chance, please.
I just miss everything. Everything.

A hope for the hopeless

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stitch in your knitted brow
and you don't know how
you're gonna get it out

crushed under heavy chest
trying to catch your breath
but it always beats you by a step,
all right now

making the best of it
playing the cards you get
you're not alone in this

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

cold in a summer breeze
yeah, you're shivering
on your bended knee
still, though your heart is sore
and the heavens pour
like a willow bending with the storm,
you'll make it

running against the wind
playing the cards you get
something is bound to give

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope

there's hope for the hopeless
hope for the hopeless
there's hope



My old time favourite song
Used to listen to this all the time when you throw me away into the deepest hell
Now, its your turn
There's always a hope for the hopeless
Be tough there big guy!

I love the way you lie

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts






semoga hati ini tak akan berubah dan masih begitu
walaupun sedalamnya hanya Dia yang maha mengetahui
Dear Kai, stay the way you are now! MUST MUST MUST!

Chasing cars

Setelah sekian lama
Ia berkumandang lagi
Be strong!

When Mr.Karma hit you back

As much as I want to scream "PADAN MUKA KAW! WHAT YOU GIVE YOU GET BACK!", out loud in front of you, I still care for you tho. So, be strong dude!

Dear God, thanks for the sweet revenge.

What goes around comes around.

Penantian aku selama setahun sebelas bulan enam belas hari dah berakhir. Aku PUAS.

Sepatutnya aku gembira. Tapi kenapa tidak?

And now I want nothing but your happiness. And I mean it. That's all.

For whatever said and done, I'm truly sorry

Disaat kamu ingin melepaskan seseorang..
ingatlah pada saat kamu ingin mendapatkannya

Disaat kamu mulai tidak mencintainya...
ingatlah saat pertama kamu jatuh cinta padanya

Disaat kamu mulai bosan dengannya...
ingatlah selalu saat terindah bersamanya

Disaat kamu ingin menduakannya...
bayangkan jika dia selalu setia

Saat kamu ingin membohonginya...
ingatlah disaat dia jujur padamu

Maka kamu akan merasakan arti dia untukmu
Jangan sampai disaat dia sudah tidak disisimu,
Kamu baru menyadari semua arti dirinya untukmu

Yang indah hanya sementara
Yang abadi adalah kenangan
Yang ikhlas hanya dari hati
Yang tulus hanya dari sanubari

Tidak mudah mencari yang hilang
Tidak mudah mengejar impian
Namun yg lebih susah mempertahankan yg ada

Karena walaupun tergenggam bisa terlepas juga
Ingatlah pada pepatah,
"Jika kamu tidak memiliki apa yang kamu sukai, maka sukailah apa yang kamu miliki saat ini"

Belajar menerima apa adanya dan berpikir positif
Hidup bagaikan mimpi, seindah apapun, begitu bangun semuanya sirna tak berbekas
Rumah mewah bagai istana, harta benda yang tak terhitung, kedudukan, dan jabatan yg luar biasa, namun..

Ketika nafas terakhir tiba, sebatang jarum pun tak bisa dibawa pergi
Sehelai benang pun tak bisa dimiliki
Apalagi yang mau diperebutkan
Apalagi yang mau disombongkan

Maka jalanilah hidup ini dengan keinsafan nurani
Jangan terlalu perhitungan
Jangan hanya mau menang sendiri
Jangan suka sakiti sesama apalagi terhadap mereka yang berjasa bagi kita

Belajarlah tiada hari tanpa kasih
Selalu berlapang dada dan mengalah
Hidup ceria, bebas leluasa

Tak ada yang tak bisa di ikhlaskan
Tak ada sakit hati yang tak bisa dimaafkan
Tak ada dendam yang tak bisa terhapus

Found it here
Very inspiring. And it suits me well, describing my fucking miserable life and the decision I've made.
Despite the laughs and smiles, I actually managed to hide it well kan?
I'm so sorry
ILYSM