Friday, January 11, 2013

In need to rant: 2013

Everybody wants a perfect life. I mean, hello, who doesn't? But then again it depends on how 'perfect' is your perfect, what is your definition of perfect.

Mine would be simple and cliche.

-A happy family = checked!
-A supportive boyfriend = checked!
-Tons of bff = checked!
-Lotsa ka-ching = *sigh*
-A career = still a long way to go.

I'm a kind of tak reti bersyukur punya perempuan. I always want more. I can never get enough with one thing. When I say I want it to be THAT way, I can never tolerate if it turns out the other way, not even a simple deviation. I whine a lot, thank God my boyfriend has a steel heart *I think* and is always there to listen. Plus the lecture at the end of my whining session. Thanks sayang -.-'.

See, life is beautiful even though there are obstacles everywhere. I've always wanted to be a doctor. But I failed, just a VERY MINOR failure that it leads me to the biggest disappointment in life. Keep telling myself I'm stupid hopeless etc etc. I applied for Msc, and while waiting for the result I worked as a CSE at Celcom, and boy it was fun until I dropped out cause I hate being a burden to people just because I'm afraid to drive. I had to tumpang my friend to go back, had to ask my bff to get me back home, and the stupidest thing is I turned out mom's offer to bought me a car, cuz I AM AFRAID OF DRIVING. Yes people I'm that stupid.

So I ditched Celcom, went back to Tawau, performed my second Umrah with mama, baba and nenek. Just when I arrived at KLIA, I got a mail from a UPM lecturer I've been bugging for almost half a year for the RA position *but she ignored me thank you*, asking if I want to be a part of her project, as an enumerator. So I thought, wow, this is it. A chance to further my master in nutrition! Nutrition is my Plan B actually. Went for the interview, she doubted my cgpa but still gave me a chance to prove it to her. Started my job there, enjoyed travelling with the girls, until the time she decided to appoint me as one of her RA and later under her supervision for my Msc. That was when the torture started. Gosh I can barely remembered when did I never cried during those days. The pressure, loneliness *cause the girls no longer worked for her*. I cried EVERYDAY sampai berat turun p 47kg. Okay now I regret I quit, I'm as big as a badak now. Lulz. Cut it short, I quit the job, got 2 offers from USM and UKM to further my Msc, so actually I got 3 offers + UPM's.

At that moment, I can't be thank HIM enough for the opportunities given to me. Cause finally people acknowledge my grade and I can show that I still 'have demand' even though I'm not an MBBS student. You see, some of them have that 'MBBS ego' yang pandang rendah dengan orang ambil master. Seriously, ini bukan penghakiman hasil ke'emo'an daku. Tapi pengalaman and kisah benar. I were thissss close to put a 'hate' sign to all them for that, even my bff yang tak ada kena mengena pun. Tapi buat lek sudah. And alhamdulillah my inferiority complex went away *for a while haha* and I just move on with my life.

Now that I'm studying Health Education (UKM), to be honest I don't even know where this will lead me to. But at least I have something rigid to hold on too for now. You study not to impress, but to gain knowledge. Whatever you get from the lecture, experience and all, you won't realize that it'll influence your future life. I give up last night cuz I can't answer the Communication paper. Sux, feels like first semester of my degree all over again. But I know it's not the end of the world. I have 2 papers left, Imma work my arse of for both. I couldn't be bothered by the negative thinking no more. I just wanna finish everything since I can't enjoy my last day of being 23. Yes, will be sitting for the last paper on my 24th birthday and I couldn't care less.

Told ya I need to rant. Happy 2013! xoxo


Farahin Pm said...

its quite a long time sy xblogging and bru skrg sbok nk bca blog org. further study kn.. all the best kak khai ;) chayo2!

Khaieysha said...

eh kakak pun xperasan! lama suda xbukak blog..hehe..thank you! same goes to you! :)