Long distance relationship

Aku rasa kagum dengan orang2 yang dah bercinta lama. Kalau all the time dekat,sama2 xpa. Tapi ada yang terpisah negeri,universiti,ada lagi terpisah negara. I mean, WOW. Look at them. How do they manage to maintain the spark between them? Aren't they bored with each other?

I did once involved in a 'PJJ'. And I failed. Since that I never believe in one. Me and SMN, we've never been away too far from each other. But still gaduh2. Kalau cuti sebulan, sorang balik utara sorang borneo, tak sah tak perang. To think that he'll be away this time is so...terrifying. What will happen to us? Bak kata SS, I don't want banana fruit two times. Haih. Takut -.-

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Chasing pavement

What should I do? Do I really want to be a doctor? Do I have the courage to take the responsibility of other's lives? Am I capable enough to be one?

Right now, I don't even get the minimum cgpa to pursue my study. But that's not what bothering me the most. If I ever get the chance, will I be able to cope with everything? This degree enough is so stressful. I start questioning myself. Is it for me or for my family?

Of course I do want it for myself. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a doctor. I'm very sure of that. I lead my way, I lead my future. I do what I want, did everything without regrets. But now I'm not sure anymore.

I want this for me. For mama, for baba. But now I just can't. I know how much they want me to be a doctor. So do I. But with this total mess surrounds us, I'm not looking forward to the path I used to follow. The idea of pursuing into master degree is the only thing I have in mind right now. That, I'm not sure either. I don't want to let them down, but at the same time I'm too exhausted with the dramas. Enough with money, interview, cgpa. I'm done.

Ya Allah permudahkanlah jalan kami, sekurang2nya rakan2ku yang benar2 mahukannya.

Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang betul, yang sepatutnya untukku. Amin.

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Anti-klimaks

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Bored to death. Kill me.

Feels like writing.

I'm officially a practical student now. Well, not really, as we actually have to bear with classes AGAIN for another 6 months. Not 3. To be honest, I'm both disappointed and happy. Disappointed, because we won't have the chance to be in the hospital for a long time. I mean, just 4 hours in a week? Is that enough?

But on the other side, I'm happy. I'm not ready to leave everything here. Plus, I know I'm way too far from the level to be a doctor. Or a MBBS student. These classes are actually helpful and beneficial for all of us. So yes, I'm glad and relieved.

So, from now on, it's 8am-5pm classes everyday till Thursday, and 8am-12.30pm at the hospital every Friday. Hope it helps, since we can't barely touch the patient. We can only do history taking. It's fun though, since I love talking to people. My horoscope says so. :D. I love comforting people even I'm not good at it, I love listening, or anything to do with human. Maybe that's why I love working at Subway.

Oh yeah, I've resigned as a part-timer there. I was so sad, I even thought to come back to work after 2 days I left the place. Duh, it's not even far from Perdana, sebelah rumah je kot. Haha. But somehow, I feel emotionally attached to that place. To the people and to the customers. Stupid customers included. Haha. I love them all. Maybe because it has been a long time I haven't mingle around with other people apart from my college friends. And they light up my life. They may not be those who I shared my secret with, or cry on their shoulders or something, but I'm happy being with them. I'm happy to be a part of the family, and I'm happy if they are happy with me. At least I have someone to talk to rather than being alone talking to the wall. *wink*. Oh I miss them so much! Blame the classes! I hate it. No worries, I'll come back if you need me :)

I'm bored. Bored to death. Not in the mood to do my revision, log book and all. Just sitting here watching Ghost Whisperer and cry over the earthbound spirits. Why the hell do I cry for a ghost zzz. Guess I'm gonna play DDR now. Ho yeah! Toodles!