a letter for you

dear mr.you-know-who.
howayu?hope u are doing fine.dah lama gila kot rasanya tak contact awak.since the day you end up our conversation kat myspace.tatawla u still remember or not.

first of all sy nak cakap sy tataw sbenarnya nak cakap apa.but myb its better if i start this post with infinity apologize.for what?im sure u know d reason well.i know i shouldnt post this, for me its kinda personal. but somebody told me to do so as there are some of your post yg agak mcm sarcastic la jgk or sy yg trasa lebih2 wallahualam la. (u lurveee being sarcastic rite)
it was on the 8th of May.bila kita msg kat ms and i was like WHATTHEHELLWITHTHISGUY and sgt2 bengang sebab awk nak marah/jeles/??? membabi buta only bcuz of my yy and komen2 kitorg kat fb.i mean,wth with all that thang?yg awk nak meluat la apa la..mcm la b4 that sy xda gtaw or explain gn awak who's that guy.he was my friend back at kmhell.ive told u rite?jd knapa dgn msg2 thu?and saya tataw msg2 awak lepas tuh sgt2 mnyakitkan ati sy.i know im not the only one yg sakit ati.awak pon.but do we have to end it up camni???

fyi (eventho myb u'll say that u dont give a damn on this) after kita gadow or whatsoever la yg jadi tuh,sy x rapt sgt pn dgn 'this' guy.i knew him from my ouzmate masa naek sem n i started ym-ing with him on d 12th May, 4 days after we fought. n idk cmana suma ni jd camni cepat.im sorry.

i tried to tell u.sy bkanlah xbhati perot n xpk perasaan awk.tp sy tataw nak cakap cmana.sy sndiri bingung dgn diri sy. for about a week or two after we declared our rship i was still confused and felt guilty.idk how to tell u personally, cuz we didnt end up the message sgala in a good term. so sy truskan ja hidup cam besa as if you meant nothing to me but d fact is u are!u really are, not WERE!u've done so many things for me.awak sntiasa try bwat sy happy. the moment u came n gave me d brownies and tem dkat airport tuh was one of the most memorable moment in my life. mybe it was a mistake when i asked u to stop hoping and tggu sy. but i did that bcuz sy tanak awk tggu sy.sy xleh nak pksa ati sy utk trima awk. i've tried but i really cant.im sorry.

and now im living my life with happiness,and guilt. i miss doing things with you. i love being around together, bwat tu bwat ni. i enjoyed every single moment with u. i just..idk what to say. sy tataw cmana but i love 'this' guy. i love him. he is the only one who's able to stop those tears i've shed for almost a year. i know all this while u've always feel inferior. u r not confident with yourself. appearance. physical. etc. and maybe u'll say that i chose him over you because of his looks. kalaw itu yg awak pk, then sy takleh nak watpa. remember when u asked me, kalaw brad pitt nak kat sy,sy nak x? n i answered kalaw ensem cmana pon tp sy xda ati gn dy watpa? i meant it. i really do. but its up to u nak judge cmana. myb awk akan pk slama ni sy just gunakan awak.kita ada discussed gak pasal ni dulu. again, its up to u. sy xdapat nak halang pmikiran awk n kawan2 awk. sy cuma trangkan apa yg sy rasa.

i know its my fault. bwat awak mcmni. gantung. pilih org laen sdangkn awk yg brusaha slama ni tp dy yg sy baru knal yg sy trima. sy tataw nak mnta maaf cmana. sy try,hai kat awk kat ms. no reply. or shud i say, 'unforgiven' is d reply? wallahualam. hati sy awk. sy xpndi handle. i maybe smart enough untuk handle bnda laen, but not my heart. as i always said to you before. people change. i just want to tell you that i really2 appreciate what you have done for me. everything. every single thing. insya allah sy xkan lupa smpi bila2..yg ada org yg pernah sygkan sy. yg slalu support sy.be there when i need him (tho tpaksa fight dgn dota awk). sy nak sgt jadi kwn awk. kalaw x mcm dulu atlis we dont have to avoid each other. but i know its impossible. i crushed u.all i asked from u is your forgiveness. i've told you several times before that i 'care' for you. sy btol2 maksudkan at that time. but now..i think u know me good enough to know that when i love someone, then it will only be him. the feelings i have had for you or 'the past' is gone. i just want to be your friend, or at least you to accept my apologize.

Saya, Khairunnisa Rahmat, ingin meminta maaf seikhlas dan serendah hati saya terhadap awak, MFAH, kerana telah menghancurkan hati awak dan tidak bertanggungjawab atas kesalahan tersebut.

doakan saya bahagia.
all the best (you don't believe in luck, rite?)
i love you, friend.



*this post is a little bit personal but im in the mood to share it wth everybody.sorry*