crap in the afternoon

sitting alone in the room
in front of my laptop
surrounded by these tissues and sweaters
and nobody's home
damn.i totally hate this
my head will start reminiscing the memories that i've been trying to avoid these past few months
and those tears will automatically jump out of the cage that i've locked for almost..err..few hours?
when will i stop dreaming and be realistic in life?
damn damn damn!
be realistic kai!
it will never happen.AGAIN.ANYMORE
there's no turning back
for some reason
i really feel like want to perform the umrah once again
there are things that haven't finished between me n MAKKAH
things that i've been asking for,a long time ago
things that i want to ask to the ALMIGHTY once again
though I know i will not get any rigid answer but at least there is a chance for me to ask for forgiveness for all the sins i've made, before and after
things that ended up not in the way that i want it to be
sometimes when we are alone,things tend to be more realistic to us
and makes me realize how foolish i am in making decisions in life.in love
i am not a realistic person.i do not know how to be realistic
but now i know i have to
so that i won't get hurt more in life
but im just a normal person
i see things in my own way
i judge things 70% with my emotion
and the rest??
uff!~what a post~
i think i should take my paracetamol now
assignments assignments!~

astalavista
good day my friends!